With Elaine Gold
GEN Global Connector & Grandma

‘HoG Your Style’ is an ongoing series devoted to celebrating the accomplished women in our communities, cities and countries — the brilliant forces of creativity and passion that often go unseen and unheard, all while running the world. Those who are often behind-the-scenes, unnoticed or unrecognised — House of Gharats beams the spotlight on these lives to reveal their inherently inspirational existence. We focus on style, lifestyle and womanhood as we find meaning in the extraordinary experiences of everyday life. Of course, ‘HoG’ stands for House of Gharats, but it also relates to the act of claiming who you are and being comfortable with the way you live your life. The women we’ve interviewed embody this idea, and we hope their stories inspire many more people to stand in their power in this time of new beginnings and self-discovery.

#HoGYourStyle

#WomenPoweringWomen

Style — How would you describe your personal style? What does it mean to you? How do you use your style to express yourself — thoughts, emotions, symbols, memories? What’s an heirloom or hand-me-down piece in your wardrobe that means a lot to you and why?

I don’t consciously think about my style, it has evolved over the years and is a combination of comfort and a desire to look good! People have described me as ‘elegant’ and I will take that! There is no doubt that clothes make a huge difference to our confidence, and I’ve often looked at my diary and thought that this was a day for ‘kick-ass shoes’. I have worked from home for most of my working life (way before the coming of the internet) and learned the importance of having a routine and of dressing for comfort but without giving into to spending the day in PJs or tracksuits. Jewelry is also important to me, I often wear pieces that I bought in my travels and which bring back memories of a country, occasion or person. My most treasured piece is a ring I had made not long after my husband died. I had always told him I wanted a big ‘blingy’ diamond, so after he died suddenly I had a 3 stone ring made with the stones representing the past, present and future.

Scarves — What do scarves mean to you? Do you have any memories associated with scarves? What do House of Gharats’s scarves mean to you?

I do love scarves and have many, although I own up to the fact that I don’t wear them as often as I should, particularly now I have the neck of a woman of a certain age! I love different textures in scarves and on a trip to Bishkek in Kyrgyzstan and Dunshanbe in Tajikistan, I fell in love with felted scarves and bags and traditional designs. I like to wear things which cannot easily be found on the High Street.

House Of Gharat scarves have all the elements I love, colour, culture and elegance.

The Queen — Queen Elizabeth II is the most loved and powerful monarch in the world. Many people look to her as someone they admire, a strong woman with a compelling sense of duty, hilarious wit and lovely sense of style and personality. She is a symbol of British heritage, history and identity, serving as a constant for most people’s lives. What does the Queen mean to you? What does she mean to you as a woman?

My grandmother was the person who inspired me to read and to love history. She was a staunch loyalist and knew all the connections in the Royal family going back to Queen Victoria. Like most of us, we have only ever known HRH as our monarch, and I think that she gives us a sense of stability and certainly her calmness in difficult situations and her sense of duty is an inspiration. As a woman, the Queen is a symbol of a woman at the top! She may hold that position by pure chance of birth, but she often stands out in formal photos as one of a minority of female leaders on a global stage and no-one would deny her capabilities in that role.

Inner Queen — Embracing your inner queen is all about self-love. Being loyal to yourself, accepting yourself, celebrating yourself and loving yourself. What makes you feel this way? How do you pamper yourself to feel like royalty? What do other people do to make you feel special? How do you remind yourself of your inner Queen?

I think the most powerful woman is a woman who accepts herself and is comfortable with who she is, not needing the external validation of others. I believe this comes from being loved unconditionally as a child. I have mentored and coached many women entrepreneurs and leaders and it is surprising how often they mention the importance of having the unconditional love of a father. I know that sadly many young girls don’t have those positive relationships when they are growing up, and for me this highlights the importance of state support to young families, our future lies in the early years of our children. To connect, rediscover or uncover that inner royalty I would spend time either outside immersing in the majesty of nature, or visiting an exhibition or gallery and soaking myself in the creativity of others.

Home — What does home mean to you? How does it reflect yourself, your life experiences and memories, your tastes and passions? Where in your home do you feel most grounded? What’s something in your home that means a lot to you and why?

My physical space has always been important to me, a friend many years ago described me as a ‘nester’, someone who likes to surround themselves with objects that have importance and memories. The times I have worked from an office of my own, I have always taken in objects from home, pictures and a digital photo frame loaded with photos of family and friends. I think all the objects I have all have a memory attached, either they were a gift from someone or I bought them whilst travelling. Having lived in the Middle East for 8 years, I have brought back with me a love of colour and fabrics, but I don’t like a space to be cluttered. I came back to the UK 5 years ago and had to downsize from a large apartment to firstly a very small flat and now a small house, so paring back has been important but I live alone, so really don’t need a lot of space. Light is important to me, and I would love a garden but unfortunately just have a small patio. I love to be able to sit looking at my small piece of greenery and a bird feeder I have which is quite busy!

Sleep — Sleep is an art, a restorative practice that our bodies need to heal, grow and rest. It’s when we dream, reflecting on our thoughts and feelings in abstract ways. How do you approach sleep? Do you have any rituals to prepare for this special time of the day? How do you create a sleep sanctuary in your home?

I confess to having a pretty disrupted sleep pattern for a number of years now. I don’t have a TV in the room and do all the good ‘hygiene’ routines which we are taught, no caffeine, alcohol or digital gadgets for a couple of hours before bed. I don’t have a problem getting off to sleep, but I frequently wake during the night. I have a few routines, I use a lavender sleep spray in the room, and I often listen to sleep meditations, finally I have just come to accept that my sleep pattern is what it is for now and not stress about it, which will only make it worse!

Food — How does food connect you with others? When is food a focus for your celebrations, your moments of joy? What, in your experiences, is the reason that food is powerful?

Even though I have lived alone for 8 years now, I still cook from scratch all my meals. I like to eat healthily, buy locally and food in season, but there are times when it will be a very simple dish of scrambled eggs if I am having a busy day. I do love eating with others and love the conversations that flow over meals with friends. Some of my best times have been with friends laughing together and feeling the strength of our friendships as someone has cooked a meal with love to share. That’s what makes food so powerful, the love that the cook has put into the work and the importance of ‘breaking bread’ together is central in many religions. How can you fight with someone who has cooked the most delicious curry or crème brulee?

Homelessness — Homelessness is a major issue in the United Kingdom. How do you think this affects the community, when such a large group of people are suffering? How can we collectively adopt a better approach towards rough-sleepers and their living conditions? How might our attitudes toward homelessness affect the community?

I live in a largely middle class suburban area where it might be easy to assume that homelessness does not exist but it does. When we walk past a homeless person without a glance, we are not only ignoring that individual we are ignoring a large part of humanity, we convey a judgmentalism which is dangerous for the health of the community. We need to break the cycle of deprivation. We cannot have a healthy society until we are prepared to do a lot more in terms of the support we give to families and the homes and towns they inhabit.

60-year-old self — What does it mean to be sixty-years-old? What words of advice or compassion would you give your sixty-year-old self? Whether you’re younger or older, how would you speak to yourself at this pivotal age?

Well as someone who is in their sixties I would say ‘enjoy it!’ Our youth obsessed culture is at last beginning to change as so many stunning older role models like Helen Mirren and Judy Dench claim the space by demonstrating their inner confidence and style. Someone once told me that ‘Life might be short, but it is wide’, so embrace reaching sixty and feeling the breadth of opportunities that are still out there – keep fit and healthy and life might be both ‘wide’ and ‘long’!

Work — In today’s times, careers and vocations intermingle as emphasis is placed on the importance of loving what you do, no matter the cost. Can your life exist outside work, or is it more important for you to love your career? What do you think about career changes? Have these new paths affected your life? As the 9 to 5 becomes a thing of the past, have you begun to work multiple positions at once? What skills do you think can help women adapt to this changing world of professions and work? What would be your advice to a young woman starting out today?

I did not set out with a career in mind after Uni, and I think in over 30 years I have only ever applied for 2 jobs, most of the positions I have had are ones which I was offered and times of self employment. So I would say to anyone starting out, don’t look to find ‘the ideal job’ or ‘your purpose’, don’t put yourself under that pressure. Explore, discover what it is you enjoy doing and above all build your support network and wider networks. I have always given some of my time pro-bono to various projects. Starting way back these were focused on Family Friendly Working and Diversity & Inclusion. I continue to be passionate about these areas today. In addition I am Chair of the UK Chapter of an International Charity ‘Partners Relief & Development’ who work with children caught up in conflict zones. We are doing a lot with Rohingya children in Myanmar right now.

The days of the huge corporations have ended, 99% of businesses in the UK are SMEs, and on average an employee will change jobs every 5 years, so developing new skills and interests are critically important to your career as well as your personal wellbeing. Core skills for now and the future have to include digital skills and ensuring these are continually updated. I have mentioned the importance of networking already, but this is worth mentioning again, together with empathy. We all need to develop skills in listening and observing ourselves and others.

Menopause — Menopause is a new part of life — a shift in the life phases of women everywhere. If you or someone you know has experienced this, how would you describe its transformative moments? How would you disrupt common beliefs about the loss of pleasure after menopause?

There is no doubt that this is a transformative phase, but let’s not forget that it is part of the natural rhythm of life. The model for the post menopausal women in the 21st century in the West should not be the ‘Old Crone’ but the ‘Wise Woman’, that one calm, together person who is able to give dispassionate advice from a central wellspring of experience.

Sex — Society thinks older women don’t have sex … or at least, doesn’t talk about it. As you’ve aged, have you experienced any feelings of shame regarding pleasure? How do you combat these feelings in your own life? How is sex still important to you, even with age?

Let’s remember that women in their sixties and seventies were young in the 70’s and pre Aids days, so came through a time when sex was probably more openly discussed than now, and maybe talking about sex in their older years is not so difficult for them, just surprising for their children and grandchildren to think that it is (or even was) a part of their lives. It is ridiculous to think that the desire to be touched, to be held and made love to would disappear with age. Being physically close and connected with someone else is important in older years too. After I was widowed and had been celibate for a number of years I remember thinking, ‘maybe this is it, maybe I will never have sex again and I have had my last time and I don’t even remember it!’ I have talked to other single older women who feel the same. But sex for me is not just about a physical relief, sex connects us with another person on many levels and so not something I would consider lightly.

Sisterhood — The women and girlfriends in our lives are incredibly important. Relationships between women are magical things, incredibly supportive and precious. What does sisterhood mean to you — that special bond between women and its meaningful moments in our lives? When has sisterhood been incredibly important to you? How does it make your daily life feel brighter?

There is a special ease of communication between women, especially women friends who you have known for years. I love the way you can have blocks of time away from each other and then reconnect instantly. In the most difficult times of my life I have been fortunate to have women friends who I knew were always there, that I could ring at any time of night if I needed to call, who would come and sit silently beside me knowing that was all I needed, the strength of their presence without words. I also remember a recent phone call with a girlfriend who was literally crying with laughter at a particular situation, and we both laughed until my jaws and sides ached. I ended the call feeling totally energised!

Spirituality — What does spirituality mean to you? We’ve all had moments in our lives where we’ve looked to a higher presence for guidance, comfort, light — when has some form of faith saved you in this way? How would you tell this story?

Personally this is a very important part of my life and I believe that this is important for everyone. Whether you find your spirituality in a particular religion or in something less structured, it is the connectedness which is important, the feeling that you are part of a connected universe. In the most difficult situations I have had to face, particularly the sudden death of my husband, the times when I felt a stillness and a peace were the times that upheld me. Dave died in a diving accident when we were living in the Middle East and his body was not found for 3 days. During those 3 days I can recall people coming and going, bringing food and showing their support but it was only when I could find the space and time to be still and just relax into a place of peace and light that I could find the strength to keep going. This strength is accessible in the everyday and not just the big, traumatic times, but with practice can be tapped into regularly – I still am working on it though!

Unseen people — Hogging your style means standing in your own power, particularly for those who are often unseen by others. In this world of social media and influencer culture, who is an ‘unseen’ person that inspires you? How can we better ‘see’ people who often go ‘unseen’?

One of the positives out of the pandemic is that many of the ‘unseen’ became ‘seen’, in fact they are being recognized as ‘key workers’. These are rightly our inspiration and hopefully we will not lose sight of this.

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